Wore my Intermap shirt today. They gave it to me when the manhattan project ended. I don't wear corporate shirts, but I thought I should wear it at least once, and figured if there's any day to wear it, might as well be today since it's the AGM. Surprisingly though, the shirt is very comfortable, and looks pretty good too. I'm not sure it's my colour, but it's a nice style, the logo is elegantly blended with the background. Not like my Geomatics Engg shirt they gave me when I finished MSc, my one time wearing it was to suck up while getting the final signatures. I felt so fake wearing it. I felt like I should be behind a desk handing out pens and telling people to join our department cause we're so great. Anyways the Intermap shirt was well done and I'll probably wear it some more.
Shortly after lunch there was a brief "town hall" meeting in the lunch room. I saw they had some 'certificates of excellence' on the table, and I knew what was coming. A few other people got them, then I got one for my contribution to manhattan. I had a big smile on my face throughout, but it was more of amusement than of happiness and pride. A few assorted people asked later if I had been surprised, and I said no, I kindof knew they'd do that, even though I don't think they should. I know for sure I don't deserve any recognition for that, I didn't do anything much, didn't come up with any ideas, etc. But the awards thing amused me. Later in the afternoon, thinking about it made me feel uncomfortable, kindof ill almost, I dunno, I think I might have talked about this once before though I can't remember what specifically it was about. Just the general feeling... getting some kind of appreciation should be nice, but then the person giving it really doesn't know anything about me, or what I really did, that sort of thing, so it feels like a false gesture overall. I feel bad that it's supposed to make me feel good but it doesn't. And that I didn't really earn it (if I really did something special and someone rewarded me, I'd still say "oh don't worry about it" but I'd still feel good about it; this isn't like that) I dunno how to describe it, and really there's no point to even think about it, just take it and be happy or forget about it. It's weird and uncomfortable to take a step back and look at the world and wonder why we feel the way we do, why we do the things we do, etc.