Torn away

The notice came suddenly... I would be heading home in a couple days. I guess I could understand it from their point of view, but, I was really unhappy about it. I really wanted to stay. As mentioned, I enjoyed my routine, and also I had one close friend and one 'girlfriend' that I would really really miss. Unfortunately, not much time to figure out what I could do. I was honestly strongly considering trying to stay. Maybe find some way to rent an apartment or something, or maybe there was a cheap hotel nearby. Unfortunately, that evening, she wasn't responding to my sms, and all the next morning still silence to my sms and calls. So, with needing to decide, and not knowing how she really felt about me or my idea of staying (would she think it's wonderful? would she think it's ridiculous?), I went ahead and started booking tickets home. Ended up not being able to change the old ticket without a large fee, so had to buy a brand new one way ticket home, what a waste.

Eventually got to talk with her (she still didn't want to meet that day for some reason). After some discussion, she decided she is willing to try long distance relationship if I am. Though some things felt suspicious, don't know how to describe, like when asking how she felt, would just ask me back in return, then say she felt the same... Anyway, also determined that she would have been happy if i had tried to stay in jakarta on my own time, though it would be complicated and also I'm not sure when I'd get to see her since currently I was only seeing her when I visited the gym during her work hours, never wanted to meet outside of work...

Well, that didn't really matter anymore cause I had the ticket home and had pretty much resigned myself to using it.

Ever since, I have been strongly regretting... I really should have told the company, "it'll cost >$1200 for the new ticket to send me home, so, just give me the $1200 and I'll take care of myself for a couple weeks and take the original flight home." From a practical point of view, it should have been ok with them. But I didn't do it.

Now back in calgary, I've been pretty unhappy... have way more jetlag than normal, my eyes are still bloodshot a few days later. My gut is unhappy, it was fine with indonesian street food but seems airport and airline civilized food is unsafe. The coldness and dryness is brutal, I'm by myself most of the time, exercise is inconvenient and I feel little energy or motivation for most things. Blah, I should still be there.

Ok, I'm not there. I know that, stop focussing on it. Need to make the best of calgary time. And maybe can think about planning to go back there again.