にほんにいきませんよ

Firstly, want to thank people for putting up with me during this instance of my phobia of making big decisions. Also thanks to people for just chatting or listening, and being understanding or helpful... whether it's friends, family, or even coworkers and supervisors, it's good to know there are plenty of people out there to talk to about important things.

Anyways, for those for whom the title appeared as a bunch of squares, or those who can't read hiragana, it says "Nihon ni ikimasen yo." For those who don't know any Japanese, that means "Not going to Japan."

Anyways, been switching my mind back and forth dozens of times per hour for the past several days. Tried doing lists of pros/cons, tried 'listening to my heart', even spent some time in my temple seeking 'divine guidance', or simply trying to meditate to clear my mind. No clear answer became apparent.

Most of yesterday I was leaning towards JET. I envisioned myself going to the manager's office and telling him I really can't turn down JET after wanting it for so long. But I wasn't able to do it until I subconsciously knew he had gone home for the day :)

Today for some reason, I was leaning towards the field position. And then when I returned from a meeting, there was a note on my monitor saying "Make up your mind yet?" so it was time for a decision. I talked a little more with a couple people around here, and then after lunch let my current supervisor and the field position's manager know that I'd take the field position.

Yay! Decision made! Like I said, if they'd have pushed yesterday, it would have been the other way. So now I've just got to keep looking forwards, don't let myself think about it too much cause I know given the opportunity, I can/will convince myself I made the wrong decision.

Really hard to turn my back on JET after pursuing it for 2 years, and having been 'dreaming' of it for a couple years prior to that... already feeling some doubts and thinking of some of the things I will miss out on. but in the end I guess I decided the field radar tech position had more to offer, at least at this time.

Feel a little empty. But also feel pretty excited!